Before Xie Linzhuo's overwhelming joy could even last the night, it was completely dampened by the infant prince's premature death.
At dawn, I rushed to Jiaofang Palace. The ground was filled with kneeling people. My legal mother was crying and screaming, begging Xie Linzhuo to conduct a thorough investigation. Seeing me arrive, she immediately pointed at me, gnashing her teeth.
"You little wretch. Was it you who did this?"
I was stunned, looking at the silent Xie Linzhuo. His gaze was heavy with grief.
"Mother-in-law, mind your words. A-Yuan has always been kind-hearted. How could she do such a thing? The imperial physician said the prince's premature death was due to a difficult labour because of his large size, and he was stuck in the womb for too long. That is why. Besides, since the prince's condition wasn't right, why didn't you summon the imperial physician sooner, Mother-in-law?"
My legal mother's body stiffened. She fell straight to her knees and began to wail once more.
I sat with Xie Linzhuo for a while, watching him fly into a rage and severely punish everyone involved and uninvolved alike. After offering him some gentle words of comfort, I finally returned to Changle Palace.
My legal mother stayed in the palace until my elder sister finished her confinement period before leaving. Every time I went to visit, my legal mother would make sarcastic accusations against me and refused to let me see my sister.
I heard that my sister searched for her child every day. When she couldn't find him, she would lose her temper. She wanted to see Xie Linzhuo, but my legal mother wouldn't let her leave her room during her confinement. And recently, war broke out again in the northwest. Xie Linzhuo was so busy that he could only stay at Jiaofang Palace for a brief moment before leaving. How could my sister be satisfied with that? She kept pressing Xie Linzhuo, asking if he had found some other seductress. Smashing a whole room of things at the slightest dissatisfaction became her way of venting her pain. And Xie Linzhuo tolerated her every single time.
I made some hazelnut pastries myself and went to the hall of state affairs. He had just finished discussing matters with his ministers and was staring blankly, sitting on the throne. I went forward, set down the hazelnut pastries, and walked behind him to massage his temples.
"A-Yuan, losing two sons in a row. Is this my retribution?"
"Your Majesty is the true dragon, the son of heaven. The princes must have been so beloved by the gods in heaven that they were summoned early to serve at their side."
Xie Linzhuo turned back to look at me, tears glistening in his eyes. I lowered my head, my voice catching with a sob.
"After Xuan'er passed away, that was exactly how I thought of it, to hold on until now."
Xie Linzhuo turned around and hugged me, leaning his head against my waist and abdomen as he let out a weeping sob. I hugged him back, tears streaming down my face as well.
"A-Yuan, perhaps heaven is punishing me. It is I who am wrong."
It was as soft as a murmur. I pretended not to hear it. How could the son of heaven ever be wrong?
When the winter jasmine bloomed, I saw my eldest sister for the first time since she had lost her child. Previously, she was merely intellectually disabled, speaking and acting like a young girl, but now she was somewhat pathologically temperamental and hysterical. As soon as she saw me, she ran up and grabbed me, her eyes wide and staring.
"Where is Linzhuo? Did he go to find you? Why hasn't he come to see me? You are not allowed to steal my Linzhuo."
Nanny Wang and the maidservants rushed up and coaxed her with gentle words before she slowly let go of me.
"Peace be with you, noble consort. The empress is merely suffering from a temporary shock. Some things Your Highness should just look at. Do not think of them as your own."
Before leaving, Nanny Wang offered words that seemed respectful but carried a warning. I merely smiled. Xie Linzhuo had only visited Changle Palace a few more times than usual, yet they were already growing restless.
"What belongs to someone belongs to them. It cannot be stolen away. This truth I trust Nanny Wang understands as well."
For the past few months, my eldest sister's behaviour became increasingly unseemly. When she thought of her child, she would look everywhere for him. When she thought of Xie Linzhuo, she would search everywhere for him. At first, Xie Linzhuo would always hold her gently, coaxing her and whispering countless solemn vows and sweet words. But my sister's condition showed no signs of improvement. The Imperial Academy of Medicine was scolded by Xie Linzhuo several times. But though the imperial physicians prescribed various formulas, my sister adamantly refused to drink the medicine, leaving the physicians completely at their wits' end.
The empress had lost her child and her sanity, which reignited the eagerness of the court officials who had temporarily quieted down. Memorials requesting the emperor to hold a draft for new imperial concubines piled high on the imperial desk. Yet my sister rushed into the imperial court during the morning audience, weeping and scratching at the officials who had spoken out the loudest, creating a massive scene.
Xie Linzhuo loved her deeply. He had braved immense pressure to favour her alone and leave the harem empty. After they lost the child, he let her weep, rage and strike him to vent her grief. But with this outburst, my sister caused Xie Linzhuo to utterly lose faith. Before the court officials and the imperial clan, he was willing to be her husband. But in this imperial court, he was the emperor.
"Jiang Shuying, what do you think you are doing? Get back to Jiaofang Palace."
For the first time, he lost his temper at her, though it was merely a mild reprimand, without even placing her under house arrest. But neither my sister nor the people backing her understood. My sister did not understand why Xie Linzhuo would yell at her when she had thrown many such tantrums before without issue. The people backing her did not understand that Xie Linzhuo's reprimand was actually a form of protection. Instead, fearing she would fall from favour, they urged her to hold on to Xie Linzhuo even tighter.
That night, Xie Linzhuo went to Jiaofang Palace. The lights remained lit for half the night, but Xie Linzhuo eventually returned to Taiji Palace in a fit of rage.
The ministers naturally would not let this opportunity slip by. More and more memorials were submitted, calling for a draft and the deposition of the empress. But Xie Linzhuo suppressed them all and took no action. He also stopped visiting Jiaofang Palace, though he still kept a close eye on everything concerning my elder sister.
As for me, I remained that gentle, understanding confidante. Only now, this confidante was exuding a different kind of charm. If you wish to take, you must first give.
When he was at Xuanzheng Hall, I would send soup and pastries from time to time. When he came to Changle Palace, I would accompany him to play games, compose poetry, drink tea and play chess. And at night, I would naturally keep him company as a loving companion. As for the mad ravings from Jiaofang Palace, I merely treated them as the barking of a dog.
When the peonies bloomed, I became pregnant. I was already three months along.
After the initial joy and surprise, Xie Linzhuo gently chided me for not telling him sooner.
"This baby is so well behaved. Not at all like how Xuan'er was back then. I was afraid it was all just a dream."
Xie Linzhuo fell into a long silence. Holding me close, he said, "It won't be. He will grow up healthy."