When Xuan'er's fever began, dusk had just fallen. I sent someone to summon an imperial physician, but by the time the second watch of the night approached, no one had returned.
"Your ladyship, if the fever continues like this, it might damage his brain."
After the wet nurse finished speaking, she hurriedly went to soak a cloth in cold water again. I looked at Xuan'er's flushed, burning face.
I could wait no longer. I instructed the wet nurse to look after him carefully and led my attendants out of Changle Palace. I wanted to see for myself why the imperial physicians were so hard to summon today.
Chunshang, whom I had sent earlier to summon a physician, was covered in sweat, with blood dripping from her forehead. With a thud, she fell to her knees, blocking my path on the palace walkway.
"Your ladyship, all the imperial physicians have been summoned to Jiaofang Palace. I kowtowed until my forehead bled, but I couldn't even get to see Nanny Wang, who serves the empress. Lanniang even said through the gate that no matter how grand an issue our Changle Palace has, it could never compare to the empress."
I smiled bitterly. "Is the empress sick? Why did all the imperial physicians have to go to Jiaofang Palace?"
Chunshang burst into tears with a sob. "The empress felt some palpitations and unease this evening. The emperor ordered all the imperial physicians on duty tonight to watch over her, to ensure the empress gets a good night's sleep."
So it truly was love at first sight. She was the precious pearl he held in his hand, doted on and protected.
Ignoring the bitterness in my heart, I sent Chunshang back to tend to her wound and rest, and hurried toward Jiaofang Palace.
My elder sister, Jiang Shuying, was born with intellectual disabilities. My father and my legal mother did not want her to see outsiders, so they told the world that a travelling Daoist priest had cast a fortune for her at birth, saying that the eldest daughter of the Jiang family had a flawed destiny and had to be raised deep within the inner chambers, away from outsiders, until her destined match naturally appeared. Yet they purposely let the most talkative matrons of Xuanping catch a glimpse of her.
Since then, my sister's reputation as the number one beauty in the capital spread far and wide. Favoured by our parents since childhood and doted on by her brothers and sisters, my sister remained as innocent as a young child to this day. Naive and lovely, pure and innocent. I grew up playing with her and keeping her company. When I was punished to kneel in the ancestral hall, she even brought me pastries. Though she was simple-minded and foolish, she had a kind heart. As long as I could see her, Xuan'er would be saved.
A sudden clap of thunder rolled across the sky. Lightning illuminated the winding palace paths in the depths of the dark night. The wind whipped up and a torrential downpour cascaded down. Without waiting for my maid to find an umbrella, I ran toward Jiaofang Palace, filled with hope.
I hammered and banged on the heavy golden phoebe wood palace doors. After a long time, footsteps approached from within, accompanied by the sound of heavy rain pelting against an umbrella. They paused for a brief moment, only to gradually recede, leaving only the sound of the rain.
My Xuan'er was burning hot all over, his consciousness fading, waiting for the life-saving imperial physicians just behind this single door. But why? Why would no one open the door?
I pounded on the palace doors like a madwoman, crying out for His Majesty, then for my sister. The sound of wind, rain, pounding and cries for help all mingled together. Yet there was still no answer.
Chuju clutched my sleeve, crying and shouting, "Your ladyship, stop pounding. They won't open it."
My hands were already swollen and bruised, and my voice was gone. That door was my son's only gateway to life.
A mouthful of blood welled up in my throat, and I gritted my teeth to swallow it down. Xuan'er was still waiting for me to find an imperial physician to save his life.
Chuna ran over through the rain, her voice trembling. "Your ladyship, the first prince is having convulsions. Please go back and see him quickly."
The swallowed blood eventually spilled out after all, splattering onto the priceless vermillion gates of Jiaofang Palace.
This Jiaofang Palace was once Xie Linzhuo's promise to grow old together with me, and the reward I deserved for planning his rise step by step for five years. But in the end, whether it was affection or glory, it all turned out to be in vain.
When Xuan'er was born, the late emperor held him and looked at him for a long time, saying he looked a lot like Xie Linzhuo did in his childhood. Probably the newborn infant reminded him of those sweet, tender times with his beloved Consort Rou. A few days later, the decree naming him crown prince arrived at our estate. Xie Linzhuo said he was his lucky star. I raised him like a precious jewel until he was four years old. He was as fair and lovely as jade, obedient and sensible too.
With him, I had even gradually let go of the betrayal — that Xie Linzhuo fell deeply in love with my eldest sister after just one meeting and broke his promise to me by crowning her empress.
But when I ran back to Changle Palace in a frenzy, quickly changed into dry clothes and finally held Xuan'er in my arms, I realized his body was burning hot and his cheeks were flushed. He was already completely unconscious.
The wet nurses, maids and eunuchs knelt all over the room, their sorrowful weeping and prayers to Buddha never ceasing. My tears fell like rain as I prayed to every Buddha and deity I could think of. Yet none of them showed their power to save him. I have never done a single bad deed. Why must my Xuan'er suffer such a terrible ordeal?
No. There is no way out in the palace. Then we must go outside the palace.
Holding Xuan'er in my arms, I stood up and ran outside, toward Xuanwu Gate.
"Your ladyship, the palace gates are already locked. We cannot get out."
"We must try anyway."
The rain seemed to get even heavier. Chuna and Chuju held umbrellas over Xuan'er and me while Erbao and Sanbao led the way with lanterns. The group stumbled and rushed toward Xuanwu Gate. Before we could even get close, the guards drew their swords.
"Who goes there?"
I was burning with anxiety. "The first prince is gravely ill and urgently needs a doctor. Open the gate."
"If the first prince is ill, the imperial physicians will naturally attend to him. Who on earth are you, daring to speak such nonsense and curse the first prince?"
As he spoke, he ordered his men to surround us.
"I am the noble consort of Changle Palace, personally bestowed my title by the emperor. Where is your commander? Have him come see me."
The lead guard took a few steps forward. When he saw me under the umbrella, he was clearly startled. He saluted, then quickly turned and ran to find his commander.
I prayed to the heavens for protection. I lowered my head to check on Xuan'er's condition. The little child's eyes were tightly shut. He had not regained consciousness since his last seizure. My heart bled with pain. I couldn't help but lower my head to press my cheek against his. Seeing him so terribly ill while I was completely powerless to help him, it was as if my own life was being drained away, as if my own soul was being tormented. If it were possible, I would gladly offer my own life in exchange for his lifelong safety.
But the gods in heaven did not hear my prayers. Suddenly, Xuan'er began to convulse again in my arms. I held him tight with both hands, calling his childhood name over and over. Chuju and Chuna wept as they desperately tried to shield us from the wind and rain with their umbrellas. Erbao and Sanbao knelt on the ground, begging the guards to let us out.
I felt utterly desperate and helpless. "Guards, please. Someone help. Who can save my child?"
"Your ladyship, His Highness the first prince has opened his eyes."
Chuju suddenly cried out in pleasant surprise. I quickly looked down. Xuan'er was no longer convulsing, and he had slightly opened his eyes.
Wild with joy, I held him tight. "Xuan'er, don't be afraid. Mother is taking you to see a doctor."
"Mother."
It was extremely soft, but I heard it.
"Yes, Mother is here."
I leaned down to kiss him again, but a long, gasping breath came from his throat, and then there was no more movement. Trembling, I kissed him and called his name. The child who was giggling around me during the day would ignore me no longer at this moment.
My legs gave out, unable to support me anymore, and I fell to my knees with a thud. I refused to believe it, frantically telling Chuju and Chuna to look, but they knelt beside me and wept bitterly, utterly devastated.
I couldn't help but cough up another mouthful of blood.