Seeing that I was weary and lacking energy, the Duchess of Ju took her leave and returned home.
Though I drank bitter medicine three times a day, I remained deeply depressed and unhappy. Chuju has always been very quick-eared and sharp-eyed. She often tells me stories from outside the palace as jokes, hoping to cheer me up a bit.
For example, Nanny Wang and the others by my elder sister's side, who are helping her manage the palace affairs, have still not settled the accounts for May, even though it is already July. And in order to show favour on behalf of my sister, the single bowl of mung bean soup given to every servant during the scorching heat had become a choice of three: white fungus and lotus seed soup, rock sugar mung bean soup, or lily bulb and water chestnut soup. Not only did the expenses skyrocket, but it also sparked numerous arguments and disputes, adding a great deal of resentment.
And for another example, the court ministers, though split into several factions, suddenly spoke with one voice, petitioning the emperor to hold a draft to expand the imperial harem and carry on the royal lineage. Xie Linzhuo was overwhelmed with trouble. After dealing with the ministers, he still had to help my elder sister clean up her messes in the harem. He barged into my bedroom, but seeing me pale and unable to even get out of bed, he swallowed back everything he wanted to say.
I ignored everything, keeping my palace gates closed to lead a quiet life. I slept early, woke up early, and ate well, and my body slowly began to recover.
By the time a chill settled into the mornings and evenings, I took advantage of the brief afternoon warmth to doze off under the silk tree in the courtyard. Chuju had gone out to collect our monthly allowance. Chuna was ironing clothes inside, and only a young maid, Xing'er, was under the veranda peeling lotus seeds, half asleep and half awake.
I heard the palace gates creak open, thinking Chuju had returned. I waited, but there was no sound for a long time. I opened my eyes and looked. My elder sister, holding a kite, was standing at the entrance, staring at me blankly.
"Sister, where is Xuan'er? I came to play with him."
A sharp pain shot through my heart. My lips twitched into a bitter smile.
"He is gone. Did you not know?"
"How could he be gone?" My sister ran over and squatted beside me, tilting her head innocently as she asked me.
"He is just gone. You will never see him again."
"But Nanny said Xuan'er is only sick and will get well very soon."
Thinking Nanny Wang had merely coaxed her with a lie, I asked casually, "When did Nanny tell you that?"
"On the day of the heavy rain and thunder."
It felt like a bolt of lightning had struck me. Trembling, I sat up, trying my best to sound gentle and coaxing as I asked, "On that night, did you hear me pounding on the door, begging for help?"
Like a child caught in a lie, my sister stood up, looking rather embarrassed.
"I heard it, but Nanny said Xuan'er only has the same sleeping sickness as me. If I open the door, Linzhuo would go to Xuan'er and wouldn't keep me company anymore."
Speaking of Xie Linzhuo, she suddenly seemed to regain her confidence. "Linzhuo is my husband. I won't let him see anyone else. Not even Xuan'er."
I dug my fingernails into my palms, but even drawing blood couldn't stop the trembling. Holding back my tears, I forced a smile.
"Sister, because you didn't open the door that night, Xuan'er died. He is buried in the ground and can never come back to life. He will never eat chestnut cakes with you again. And he will never fly kites with you again."
My legitimate elder sister still had an innocent look on her face. An innocence so heartless and cruel.
"Then I'll just find someone else to play with."
I couldn't hold it back any longer. "Sister, Xuan'er is dead. Xie Linzhuo was originally my husband. Do you truly not understand? Or do you just refuse to understand?"
I didn't miss the momentary flash of panic on my sister's face, followed by the embarrassment and anger of being caught in a lie.
"He is not your husband. He is my husband. I'm going to tell Linzhuo," she yelled angrily, then huffed and ran off holding her kite.
I collapsed onto the chaise longue, seemingly seeing Xuan'er smilingly holding up a piece of fruit for me to eat, only for everything to vanish in the next instant.